


Religion

by evenstarz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, Slytherin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 09:48:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27848826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenstarz/pseuds/evenstarz
Summary: The house of the cunning and ambitious.
Relationships: Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, Daphne Greengrass/Pansy Parkinson, Theodore Nott/Blaise Zabini
Kudos: 11





	1. I. A Good Day Indeed

**Author's Note:**

> this is a theo centric fic bc there are not enough of them in existence! the only other place this is published will be my wp account ( @ serpntz ) which will contain graphics.

NOTT MANOR IS PARTICULARLY COLD.

Even in the summer and late spring, an everlasting chill seems to glide over it. Theodore Nott has never known any different, however, so it's of no disdain to him. Well, it was of no disdain until the month after his sixth birthday.

When his mother was still alive, he found the home to be warm, despite the cold air and atmosphere it offered. She provided warmth, comfort, and life. 

Her death was sudden. His father explained it to the emergency departments that had shown up to the manor as an accident regarding a new spell. No one besides a six year old Theodore could understand that she hadn't died as a result of an accident, rather, she had died as a result of a murder, committed by her husband. 

Her funeral was a depressing affair. He remembers standing beside her casket alongside his father as members of the Sacred Twenty-Eight expressed their condolences and shook their hands. 

"Lucretia and I are are so sorry, Theodore."

"Ilestra offers her apologies, Abigor. You as well, young man."

"Narcissa and I offer our condolences."

It seemed to never end. Hours later, he stood atop the neatly cut grass of the ancient Nott cemetery, watching as they tucked his mother's casket into the ground. He remembers the arguments between his father and Narcissa over where to bury her: in the Black cemetery, or in the Nott cemetery. His father eventually won after threatening a young Draco with the Cruciatus curse. 

Her grave is unkempt, never having been looked after before. The gardening staff has been given strict instructions to only pay mind to those graves that are only decorated with the Nott insignia: two silver strings forming a singular knot, which a black wand sinks through. Since hers also has the insignia of House Black, she sits without care. 

Theodore would do anything to care for it, but he is not permitted to visit the grave, nonetheless clean it. 

It's six o'clock in the morning now, and Theodore is wide awake. He stares up at the vaulted ceiling of his bedroom. He'll soon have to venture into Diagon Alley to purchase his school things. Following Pureblood tradition, his father has made him wait until his eleventh birthday to get his wand. He would be lying if he were to say he wasn't excited to go to Ollivanders.

Truth be told, he's scared to begin school. He isn't horrified of the academics or school itself, but rather, the prospect of making friends. Unlike most of the families of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, the Nott's have not permitted their youngest heir to make any friends. Malfoy was scared off by Abigor, Abigor believes that the Houses of Crabbe and Goyle are far too pig-headed to interact with Theodore, the Parkinson girl is much too prissy, the Weasley's are... well, self explanatory, and the rest of them are simply not up to the standards of House Nott. 

Theodore is nauseated by the mere thought of the first of September, seeing as it's likely he won't make any friends. He'll surely be the laughing stock of the entire school. Half of him is hoping that he'll turn out to be a Squib, just so he can save his father the humiliation of having a son without talent, and without allies. 

He rolls out of bed with a sickening feeling bubbling up in his stomach. He ignores it, just like he does every morning. He tiredly fetches a carefully folded pair of dark grey trousers, an off-white button up, and a black sweater vest. He's dressed in the apparel several minutes later.

He silently pads down the stairway leading into the kitchens. He couldn't make noise if he tried. Unlike his father, he's lanky, and almost looks nearly malnourished, weighing less than five stone. No matter how much he eats, he never gains weight. 

"Master Nott!" One of the house-elves, Delli, cheerfully exclaims upon seeing him. "What would you like for breakfast, Sir? The usual?"

"Yes," Theodore nods. "Thank you..."

"I shall have it out in several minutes, Sir!" She cheers, and then disappears.

He continues to wind through the massive manor until he reaches the dining hall. It's decorated like the rest of the manor. Filled with portraits of ancient ancestors of House Nott. The most recent is of a seven year old Theodore with his father. However, none exist of his mother. There is no memory of her on the grounds, spare the unkempt gravestone. 

He takes a seat at one of the heads of the table, and waits patiently for a plate of breakfast to arrive. Several minutes later, a silver plate filled with toast, eggs, bacon, and fruit appears in front of him, along with a glass of pumpkin juice. 

He quickly eats it, and by the time his father arrives, nothing more than traces of egg yolk remain on the plate. 

"Theodore," he greets coldly. "We will be leaving by Floo soon. Are you prepared?"

"Yes," Theodore nods, keeping his head down.

"Head up! Yes, what?" Abigor snarls.

"Yes, Sir," Theodore nods meekly as he looks up at the man across from him.

"Remember what I've told you: no talking to anyone unless otherwise instructed by myself, no buying anything other than what is on your list, and no interacting with Mudbloods," Abigor instructs as his own plate appears in front of him.

"I know, Sir," Theodore whispers.

Abigor finishes his breakfast soon after their conversation ends. He wipes his mouth with a black napkin, and then stands up from his seat. "Stand up, boy."

Theodore is quick to do as instructed. His father guides him to the large fireplace inside of the dining room, and grabs a handful of powder from the vase beside it. 

"Diagon Alley!" He shouts harshly, before throwing the powder down and disappearing into the green flames.

Theodore falls suit, and does the exact same. He ends up inside of what can only be the Leaky Cauldron. His father stands in front of him, looking slightly disgusted by the morning crowd of the pub. 

"Follow, now," Abigor snaps.

He leads Theodore through the pub until they reach a back alleyway. He carefully taps the tip of his wand against bricks of a wall, and then, the bricks part, revealing an already bustling street. He wordlessly takes Theodore to the end of the street, where a large building sits: presumably Gringotts. 

The last remaining branch of House Nott steps inside, and immediately, Abigor snaps at a goblin. "You! Vault six hundred and thirty-three," he declares.

"Identificati-" the goblin begins.

"You don't need identification from me!" Abigor roars. "I am Abigor Nott! You should know me!"

Theodore can feel other wizards staring at them, and his cheeks glow red. "Come with me, sir..." the goblin sighs.

Abigor and Theodore both follow the goblin through a small passageway until they reach what looks to be a train track. "Sit, if you will," the goblin instructs. 

Theodore and Abigor both sit down in a cart, before the goblin does as well. Theodore wants to vomit as soon as the cart takes off. His knuckles turn white as they grip the fabric of his trousers. The cart soon comes to a stop at a rather large black door, labeled "633."

The goblin hops up out of the cart— Theodore and Abigor follow suit— and then turns a key in the lock of the door. The door swings open, and Theodore's eyes widen at the impressive amount of gold inside. "Stay," Abigor orders.

Theodore stands awkwardly outside of the vault while his father collects currency from inside. Abigor and the goblin return soon after, and much to Theodore's disdain, they take their seats in the cart once again, and take off. 

As soon as they exit the cart, Theodore leans over a rubbish bin and wretches the bile up from his stomach. "You're weak!" Abigor shouts. "Up, now!"

"Sorry, Sir," Theodore apologizes. 

"Let's go," Abigor orders.

Theodore shuffled out of the bank behind him, and is promptly brought to a shop with a sign above it that reads, "Madam Malkins Robes for All Occasions."

"I doubt I can trust you with this, but go and collect your school things while I run some of my own errands," Abigor sighs, handing Theodore a bag of coins. 

"Thank you, Sir," Theodore mumbles bashfully as he takes the bag of coins and school list from his father.

Once his father leaves, Theodore quietly enters the shop. It's empty, spare a plump woman at the front desk. "Hello, dearie!" She cheers.

Theodore is practically alarmed by the aura she offers. It's been years— five years, to be exact— since he's seen someone who offers such energy. "Er... hi," Theodore whispers.

"Here for your Hogwarts robes, I take it?" She asks, and Theodore nods. "Yes! Come, come."

He nervously follows her through a doorway and into a large room that hosts a small circular platform, an extensive set of fabrics, and a sewing station. "Stand up over there, if you will," she instructs as she motions to the platform.

Theodore nervously stands up atop the platform. With a flick of her wand, several magical measuring tapes wrap around his waist, upper thighs, chest, arms, and neck. "Are you getting enough to eat at home, darling?" She frowns as she reads the measurements.

"Yes," he nods. "Just naturally thin, is all."

"Alright, dear," she smiles. 

Minutes later, Theodore stands at the front desk with a bag of robes in his hands. "Thank you," he murmurs as she hands him his change. 

"Of course, dear. Enjoy your year!" She beams.

He leaves shortly after, and ventures into Flourish and Blotts, where he purchases the set of school books from his list. Next is Potage's Cauldron Shop, which he departs from with a new cauldron. Then he leaves for Scribbulus Writing Instruments, and pursvhses a set of quills and ink. Slug & Jiggers Apothecary is next, and he finds himself equipped with a load of potion ingredients for school. There are only two things that remain on his list: a wand, and a pet. 

He decides to enter Ollivander's first. The shop, like Madam Malkin's had been, is empty, besides an elderly man standing at the counter. "Hello!" He says cheerily. 

"Hi..." Theodore whispers. "I'm here for my wand."

"Yes, of course! We've been waiting for you, Mr. Nott!" He exclaims.

"How do you know my name?" Theodore frowns.

"I do not know your name, my child," the man laughs. "The wands do! And this wand, is speaking to you!"

A pale hazel wand is set into his right hand. There are four vines knotting up it's stem which each lead to a small rose. It's pretty, in his opinion. "Wave it, let's see if it works!" The man instructs. 

Theodore nods it, and a bright light is emitted from the tip. "That seems right!" The man exclaims. "Yes, yes. That will be two galleons, if you please!"

Theodore eagerly hands him the currency, before a thin box is set in his hands. "Good luck, my child!"

Theodore smiles brightly at him, and then leaves the shop. His final adventure leads him into Magical Menagerie, where he purchases a tiny brown kitten, along with the supplies needed to care for it.

It was a good day indeed.


	2. II. Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some text taken from jkr’s (terfscum do not interact) harry potter and philospher’s stone

LIKE MANY PLACES IN THE WIZARDING WORLD, THEODORE HAS NEVER VISITED PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS.

He's quite taken aback by the idea of running through a brick wall. It doesn't seem humanly possible. After all, taking into account the basic laws of physics, running into brick walls is impossible if you're not looking to severely injure yourself. 

But nonetheless, he sucks in a deep breath and runs towards it. His eyes widen in amazement as he does not in fact end up with a broken nose, but rather, he ends up on a bustling platform filled with students and parents alike.

"I'll see you at the Christmas holiday," Abigor says coolly. 

"Bye," Theodore says shyly, before hugging his father tightly.

He's pushed off. 

"Goodbye," Abigor hisses; and then, he's gone. 

Theodore nervously hands his trunk over to one of the attendees. He makes sure to keep his kitten— now named Aspen— close to his shoulder. The man takes the trunk from him with a wide smile, and Theo scurries off into the train. 

Aspen begins to nervously mewl against his neck. "It's alright," Theodore murmurs, "nothing to be scared about."

Theodore is of course recklessly nervous as he makes his way through the steam engine. There are small groups of students riddled throughout it, and they all look rather content with the return to Hogwarts. Theodore is fairly certain that no one has acknowledged his presence on the train.

He exhales a breath of relief as soon as he finds an empty compartment. He takes a seat on the worn down fabric of one of the seats inside, and Aspen immediately curls up against his chest.

His stomach lurches as the train leaves the station. He stares out of the window, and watches London disappear into the distance. 

"Hello," someone suddenly says from the doorway. "Do you mind if I sit here?"

Theodore looks up at him. He as well is most likely a first year, given his stature. Unlike Theodore, who despite being so thin still has a layer of baby fat on his cheeks, this boy has a sharp bone structure. His eyes are slanted, and he has tight curls resting atop his head. "Not particularly," Theodore whispers. 

"My name is Blaise," the boy tells him as he sits down across from Theodore. "Blaise Zabini."

"Theodore Nott," Theodore greets. 

"You're a first year as well, I take it?" Blaise questions. 

"Yes," Theodore nods. 

"I'm hoping to get into Slytherin," Blaise drawls. "Maybe Ravenclaw."

"Me as well," Theodore agrees. "I think my father will kill me if I don't get into Slytherin."

"Sacred Twenty-Eight nonsense, I take it?" Blaise snorts.

"Yes," Theodore murmurs awkwardly. 

"I would hate to be part of it. Mum is of course a bit upset that the Zabini name was never included, but I don't really care," Blaise shrugs. "Are you friends with Malfoy?"

"No," Theodore frowns. "Father doesn't like him."

"Oh," Blaise nods. "Are you looking forward to any of the classes?" 

"Not really..." Theodore shrugs.

"I'm looking forward to flying," Blaise replies. "I'm already quite good at it. Mum said I could probably make the House Team next year."

Theodore shifts his weight to one side out of discomfort. He's sure that he doesn't like Blaise. He's arrogant, and Theodore doesn't like arrogance. Not only that, but he just won't shut up. 

He finds himself thanking Merlin for the arrival of a bushy haired girl who has a rather flushed look to her face. "Excuse me," she begins, staring at the two boys, "a boy named Neville has lost his toad. Have you seen it?"

"No," Theodore shrugs. "Sorry."

Blaise shakes his head no. She leaves with a huff. "So," he begins again, "do you like to fly?"

"No," Theodore whispers. "I don't like to travel like wizards do. It makes me nauseous."

"Do you travel often?" Blaise asks.

"No, why?" Theodore frowns.

"I thought it was obvious," Blaise shrugs. 

"Oh," Theodore nods. "I'm just... thin, I suppose."

THEODORE FEELS AS THOUGH HIS ROBES ARE TOO BIG.

As he makes his way up the large staircase leading into the school, he can't help but adjust them. Unlike the other first years who seem to be amazed at the architecture of the castle, Theodore doesn't focus on it. He keeps his head down, and stands beside a girl with light brown hair.

"What house do you think you'll be in?" She hums, her voice airy.

"Dunno," he shrugs. "Slytherin, probably."

"Me as well," she nods. "I'm Daphne Greengrass."

"Greengrass... my father knows your parents," he tells her quietly. "I'm Theodore Nott."

"Oh!" She exclaims loudly. "You're Theodore! None of us have ever met you! Well, Draco has, but there was that whole-"

"Yes, the Cruciatus curse," he murmurs. 

"Yeah, that," she nods.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," a thin woman chirps. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your Houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your House will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your House, sleep in your House dormitory, and spend free time in your House common room. The four Houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each House has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your House points, while any rule-breaking will lose House points. At the end of the year, the House with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever House becomes yours. The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting."

Theodore can feel her staring at his robes. 

"I shall return when we are ready for you," she says. "Please wait quietly."

"Do you know how we're sorted? My mum told me it's something to do with a hat," Daphne frowns. "Whatever it is, I just hope I don't end up in Hufflepuff... not that I have anything against Hufflepuffs, it's just... I don't think I would fit in."

A girl with short brown hair suddenly jumps up in the air, and screams. 

Theodore nearly falls over in shock at the sight of large, white figures that glide across the Hall. A plump figure is saying: "Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance —"

"My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost — I say, what are you all doing here?" A ghost that must have been from the sixteenth century looks down at them in shock. 

"New students!" One of the ghosts says. "About to be sorted, I suppose?"

Daphne nods excitedly.

"Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" He cheers. "My old House, you know."

"Move along now," the woman from early says sternly. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

The ghosts disappear through the wall.

"Now, form a line," she tells them, "and follow me."

Theodore gets into line between Daphne and the girl with the short hair from earlier. Once they're arranged in a somewhat neat pattern, they're lead into the Great Hall. Theodore is unimpressed with the decor, unlike most of his peers, who are staring up at the candle-lit ceiling with amazed expressions. All he does is loop one of his fingers through his belt loop in order to keep his trousers from slipping off of his hip bones. 

The woman places a four legged stool on the platform at the top of the Hall, and then adds a hat on top of it. Suddenly, it begins to sing: 

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, But don't judge on what you see, I'll eat myself if you can find  
A smarter hat than me.  
You can keep your bowlers black, Your top hats sleek and tall,  
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat And I can cap them all.  
There's nothing hidden in your head The Sorting Hat can't see,  
So try me on and I will tell you Where you ought to be.  
You might belong in Gryffindor, Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry Set Gryffindors apart;  
You might belong in Hufflepuff, Where they are just and loyal, Those patient Hufflepuffs are true And unafraid of toil;  
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,  
If you've a ready mind,  
Where those of wit and learning, Will always find their kind;  
Or perhaps in Slytherin  
You'll make your real friends,  
Those cunning folk use any means  
To achieve their ends.  
So put me on! Don't be afraid!  
And don't get in a flap!  
You're in safe hands (though I have none) For I'm a Thinking Cap!"

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she says upon pulling out a scroll of parchment. "Abbott, Hannah!"

A shy looking blonde girl nervously approaches the stool, and takes her seat. The hat opens its mouth, and shouts, "HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Bones, Susan!" Hufflepuff.

"Boot, Terry!" Ravenclaw.

"Brocklehurst, Mandy!" Ravenclaw. 

"Brown, Lavender!" Gryffindor. 

"Bulstrode, Millicent!" Slytherin. 

"Crabbe, Vincent!" Slytherin. 

"Finch-Fletchley, Justin!" Hufflepuff.

"Finnigan, Seamus!" Gryffindor. 

"Granger, Hermione!" The girl from the train is sorted into Gryffindor as well.

"Greengrass, Daphne!" 

"That's me!" Daphne tells Theodore excitedly. She scurries up to the stool, and is promptly sorted into Slytherin. 

"Goyle, Gregory!" Slytherin. 

"Longbottom, Neville!" Gryffindor. 

"MacDougal, Morag!" Ravenclaw. 

"Malfoy, Draco!" Slytherin. 

"Moon, Darlene!" Hufflepuff. 

"Nott, Theodore!"

Theodore nervously steps to the stool, and takes a seat with his head tilted downwards. He cringes at the feeling of the hat on his head. 

"Ah... a Nott!" The hat exclaims. "You would do well in Ravenclaw... smart-"

"Slytherin, please..." Theodore begs. "Please..."

"Well, alright then, Theodore! SLYTHERIN!"

Theodore lets out a breath of relief, and scurries off to the Slytherin table after taking off the hat and returning it to the woman. 

He takes his seat beside Daphne, who looks up at him with a cheery expression on his face. "Oh, congratulations, Theo!" She laughs.

Theo. It's the first time anyone has called him that since his mum died. He manages to squeak out a, "You as well."

Another girl is sorted into Slytherin who goes by the name of Pansy Parkinson, and Theodore loses his attentiveness soon after. Even when Harry Potter is sorted into Gryffindor, he doesn't pay any mind. 

"Thomas, Dean!" Gryffindor.

"Turpin, Lisa!" Ravenclaw.  
  
"Weasley, Ron!" Gryffindor. 

"Zabini, Blaise!" Slytherin. 

Blaise takes a seat beside Theodore with the slightest hint of a smirk on his face. "Congratulations, Blaise," Daphne beams.

"Thank you," he nods. "I'm absolutely starved."

"Welcome!" Albus Dumbledore suddenly begins from his seat. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!"

"He's an odd one," Daphne murmurs. "Don't you think?"

"Very," Theodore agrees.

Suddenly, massive plates of food appear in the middle of the table, and his mouth waters at the sight of it. He's quick to fill his plate with mash, peas, gravy, chicken, bread, chips, the lot of it. Blaise looks surprised at the amount of food he's able to take in.

"So, Blaise," Daphne asks between bites of food, "where are you from?"

"I was born in London, then when my father died we moved to Paris, and then to Rome,” Blaise replies. “Mum decided to send me here rather than Beauxbatons because she wanted me to get her educational experience.”

“Oh,” Daphne frowns. “You’ve got a much more interesting life, then. What about you, Theo? Where are you from?”

“Northern England,” Theodore shrugs. “We’re about two hours north of York.”

“I bet it’s beautiful,” Daphne grins, taking a bite of her peas. “We’re from Leeds.”

“Good evening...” a ghost suddenly greets from beside Daphne, who consequently shrieks and seeks shelter in Theodore’s robes. “Welcome to Slytherin House... I am our ghost, the Bloody Barron.”

“Er- hi,” Malfoy greets from beside Daphne. He looks displeased.

“Hello, young ones... I will not stay, I am growing rather tired,” and suddenly, the ghost is gone. 

Once everyone has consumed their dinners, glistening plates filled with desserts appear. Theodore once again takes his fill, and by the time he’s finished eating, he feels a bit nauseous. 

The plates have cleared, and Dumbledore stands up once again. And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!” He exclaims.

He flicks his wand, and words fly from the tip of it. “Everyone pick their favorite tune,” he beams, “and off we go!”

“Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, Teach us something please,  
Whether we be old and bald  
Or young with scabby knees,  
Our heads could do with filling With some interesting stuff,  
For now they’re bare and full of air, Dead flies and bits of fluff,  
So teach us things worth knowing, Bring back what we’ve forgot,  
Just do your best, we’ll do the rest, And learn until our brains all rot.”

Everyone ends the song at different times. Theodore didn’t bother to sing, and neither did Blaise. Two Gryffindors are left singing a slow funeral march, and once they finish, Dumbledore is smiling widely. 

“Ah, music,” he sniffles. “A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!”

“Come on, Slytherins!” A boy with jet black hair barks. “Let’s go!”

Theodore nervously scrambles up from his seat, and alongside his Slytherin cohorts, begins to follow the boy through the Hall. They’re led through the castle until they reach a large set of stairs. The boy takes them down until they find a stone wall. He says, “Snake skin,” and it pushes aside to reveal a door. 

He opens the door, and takes them into a large, circular room. One of the walls is made up of glass and showcases the murky waters of the Black Lake. The others are a dark grey, and covered in various tapestries that likely depict famous Slytherins. 

“Boys, your room is at the top of the left staircase, girls, same on your right. You’re to be up at seven tomorrow morning,” he declares, right before he ventures off into his own dorm room. 

Theodore and Blaise wave goodbye to Daphne, and then climb the stairs until they reach the final door. Blaise opens it, revealing five beds which are all covered in green duvets, a velvet carpet, and a wide fireplace. 

Theodore’s trunk rests against the bed farthest left, and Blaise’s rests against the bed beside it. 

“See you tomorrow,” Blaise yawns.

“Yes,” Theodore nods, “tomorrow.”


	3. III. Normalcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in regards to the motif of theo’s eating, it does transfer into an eating disorder later on in the book. i’ll of course add tw’s for it in the individual chapters where it’s mentioned. also, there is symbolism in his robes never seeming to fit. if you understand what i’m trying to get at with that pls tell me

THEODORE IS AWAKE BY FIVE O'CLOCK.

He's restless. He can't stop picking under his fingernails. The sky is still dark, and he doesn't want to wake his roommates by turning on a light. Aspen is curled up near his neck, sleeping peacefully. He would be lying if he were to say that he didn't wish he was her. A kitten, with no knowledge of the cruelties in the world, with someone to look after it, someone who cares.

Theodore supposes that he doesn't have anyone who cares about him. He's too much like his mother to permit his father to care for him, and he's too shy for anyone at Hogwarts to care. He's stuck in an impossible valley in between wanting so desperately to be loved by someone and wanting to be unseen by everyone.

"Theodore?"

He looks up at the curtains surrounding his bed, only to see Blaise standing between them. "Er... you were mumbling about something. Just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," Theodore shrugs. "You can go back to sleep."

Blaise ignores the offer, and instead sits on the edge of Theodore's bed. "I wasn't sleeping," he frowns. "I couldn't. It's so new here."

Theodore nods. 

"You can't tell anyone else this, but I miss home," Blaise murmurs quietly. "I don't know if I like it here."

Theodore nods once again.

"You don't like me, do you?"

He nods.

"Oh," Blaise mumbles, his tone frigid. "I'm sorry if I did something."

"You didn't do anything," Theodore shrugs. "I just... I have a hard time when it comes to other people."

"Why?" 

"I don't want to tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Would you just shut up?"

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

"It's about your mum, isn't it."

"What?"

"She died, right? My mum went to the funeral."

"Yes."

"How?"

"You shouldn't ask people that."

"Sorry."

"'S okay."

"What time is it?"

Theodore looks to his clock on the bedside table. "Seven," he answers. "We should probably get ready."

"Probably," Blaise agrees.

He slips through the curtains, and disappears into his own space. Theodore sits up in bed. He stretches his arms over his head, and pushes the curtains open. Blaise, Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle are all milling around the room as they search for their uniforms and bags.

"What were you blokes on about?" Crabbe asks. Theodore is shocked at the odd deepness of his voice.

"Couldn't sleep is all," Blaise shrugs, not bothering to look at Theodore. 

Theodore nods in agreement, before lifting himself out of the bed. He makes it quickly, before he pulls away his pyjamas and changes into his school uniform.

It stills feels too big on him. Despite the fact that it had been made specially for him, it feels as though it'll never fit him. He shrugs the feeling off and grabs his school bag. 

There's a loud knock at the wooden door, and Theodore can hear the boy from the previous night yelling, "Let's go! Breakfast is starting!"

Goyle opens the door first, and is followed by Crabbe, Malfoy, and Blaise. Theodore leaves several seconds later. When they arrive in the Great Hall, he sits at the end of the table, and fills his plate with his fill of food. 

"Good morning!" Daphne chirps suddenly. "Can I sit with you?"

Theodore nods silently, and takes another bite of his toast. 

His week goes on at a dreadfully slow pace. He can't find himself enjoying anything other than Potions, and even that is strenuous, as Professor Snape has taken quite a disliking to him. 

But the worst part of it all is Blaise. Theodore is half prepared to hex him for how much people absolutely adore him. Madam Hooch is beyond impressed with his flying skills, McGonagall has taken a liking to his polite nature, and Snape likes the silence he offers. 

He's found solace in an abandoned corridor close to the Slytherin common room. By the time October rolls around, it seems as though he spends every night curled up with a blanket and Aspen as he does his homework. He's just lucky that no one has caught on.

That is, until Daphne finds him as Halloween nears. 

"Theodore?" She asks kindly. "Are you alright?"

"Hm?" He frowns, setting his book down. "Oh- yes- I'm fine. I just like to sit here."

"Are you having a hard time with friends as well?" She huffs, taking a seat beside him. 

He nods silently. 

"It seems as though no one from the other houses wants to be my friend... I haven't even done anything wrong," she frowns. "And Blaise and Draco are far too stuck up for my liking."

"I agree," he nods. "They just spend the nights bragging about all of the trips they've gone on and their stupid designer robes."

"I don't like people who do things like that," she offers. "I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's the same in the girls dorm, though."

"Sometimes... sometimes I wish that I were a Muggle," he whispers. "Wouldn't life be easier?"

"Much," she agrees.

"The hat wanted to put me in Ravenclaw, you know," he confesses. "But I asked to be put into Slytherin. Because my father would've killed me had I not been in it."

"My parents aren't like that," she explains to him. "They're part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight and all, but they just... blood purity doesn't matter to them. They'd probably let me marry a Muggle, if I so pleased."

"You're eleven and you're already thinking about marriage?" He asks, his tone laced with discomfort.

"My little sister is supposed to marry Malfoy," she shrugs. "Apparently I've been pledged to Goyle."

"Goyle?" He gasps. "Oh... Merlin's beard! That's horrible!"

She shrugs again. "I'm sure your father has already begun discussing your future bride."

"I don't like the idea of that," he cringes. 

"I don't either," she smiles. "We should probably head back. It's getting late, and I really don't fancy the idea of Flint finding us out here."

"Neither do I," he beams, before grabbing his things and standing up.

The following days breeze by. On Halloween, Theodore is of course given the shock of a troll entering the school and wreaking havoc on the girls lavatory, but other than that, it's fairly normal.

Normal, he thinks to himself, what a strange word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was short

**Author's Note:**

> cast:   
> theodore nott- herman tømmeraas   
> blaise zabini- reece king   
> draco malfoy- lucky blue smith   
> pansy parkinson- alice pagani   
> daphne greengrass- benedetta porcaroli  
> astoria greengrass- diana silvers


End file.
